August 15th, 2007 was the day of the 2nd anniversary of my resignation as a Catholic priest. I have been living a way of laity people for two years, going on three. De iure I am still a priest as I just got "suspended" by the Catholic Law. I don't reach 40 years old yet. The Process of laitification will be begun properly at 40. So far no restriction put on me to receive communion and other Holy Sacraments. I thank God for this.
However, the day will come. Recently I am preparing my marriage. I will marry a woman I love on December 9th, 2007. It's so close. Oh, My! My clerical status obviously restricts me to have a wife as I vowed celibacy since my ordination of diacon on January 25th, 2000. So it will be a law-breaking. However I have made a decision after a long journey and deep considerations under many guidances of my spiritual fathers. O, Lord... have mercy on us!
I have submitted all the requirements to gain the civil rights after the marriage. What is bothering me for now is that I will put on a new "status", a new stage of my life. I will be a husband, and if God trusts me, I will be a father of my children. I shall provide the living of my family and have responsibilities on everything in it. And for all of them I just go with my love, a love that I believe it's just from God himself. It's the same love by which I was brave enough to be ordained as a priest on July 12th, 2000 ago. Actually I feel the differences, and a question occures in my mind: "Still having an obsession of the universal love, I should be attached with my wife and children. How should I love?"
For about 17 years of formation, I had been set up to live in celibacy. I realize that it isn't just like reversing a palm of hand to switch my railway track of my life. Instead of hidding the God's love, I just struggle to keep staying in his hand and loving him in this new stage of my life, in the limitations of my being. I just believe in his love, and without him I'm just nothing!
When I was ordained as a priest I quoted John 15,5c as my personal motto: "without me you can do nothing". It still applies on me to begin this new era. Oh my Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us sinners, and strenghten our faith, hope and love. ***
However, the day will come. Recently I am preparing my marriage. I will marry a woman I love on December 9th, 2007. It's so close. Oh, My! My clerical status obviously restricts me to have a wife as I vowed celibacy since my ordination of diacon on January 25th, 2000. So it will be a law-breaking. However I have made a decision after a long journey and deep considerations under many guidances of my spiritual fathers. O, Lord... have mercy on us!
I have submitted all the requirements to gain the civil rights after the marriage. What is bothering me for now is that I will put on a new "status", a new stage of my life. I will be a husband, and if God trusts me, I will be a father of my children. I shall provide the living of my family and have responsibilities on everything in it. And for all of them I just go with my love, a love that I believe it's just from God himself. It's the same love by which I was brave enough to be ordained as a priest on July 12th, 2000 ago. Actually I feel the differences, and a question occures in my mind: "Still having an obsession of the universal love, I should be attached with my wife and children. How should I love?"
For about 17 years of formation, I had been set up to live in celibacy. I realize that it isn't just like reversing a palm of hand to switch my railway track of my life. Instead of hidding the God's love, I just struggle to keep staying in his hand and loving him in this new stage of my life, in the limitations of my being. I just believe in his love, and without him I'm just nothing!
When I was ordained as a priest I quoted John 15,5c as my personal motto: "without me you can do nothing". It still applies on me to begin this new era. Oh my Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us sinners, and strenghten our faith, hope and love. ***
November 2007
No comments:
Post a Comment